Stop it! Before you say something I'll regret

Stop it! Before you say something I’ll regret

(EDITORIAL:) Barcelona Hangover, Spain. March 2, 2013 — It’s good to get home, otherwise I was going to seriously offend the next person who used the words ‘leverage’, ‘offerings’, ‘helicopter view’, ‘marketeer’ or ‘co-opetition’.

And I couldn’t vouch for the safety of anyone at Mobile World Congress telling me about:

– ‘circling back’ (only PR people and Apaches do this, and the Apaches stopped in 1860)
– ‘reaching out’ (what happened to phoning?)
– ’empower’ (they mean help)
– ‘solutions’ (they mean software)
– ‘enablers’ (who knows what that means?)
– ‘partners’ (customers)
– ‘powered by’ (uses)
– ‘opportunity’ (I’m selling you something)
– ‘challenge’ (I was going to sell you something, but it’s all gone horribly wrong)
– ‘window of opportunity’ (this stuff I’m selling is really old)
– ‘slow-burn’ (nobody wants this stuff I’m selling)
– ‘landscape’ (all the other stuff people will try to sell you when you’ve finally got rid of me)
– ‘low hanging fruit’ (if we manage the easy stuff maybe we’ll work out the rest)
– ‘blue-sky thinking’ (we’ll have to make this stuff differently)
– ‘paradigm shft’ (we’ve been told to make this stuff better)
– ‘vapourware’ (we’ll probably never make this stuff)
– ‘global expansion’ (this is always ‘seamless’)
– ‘sub-optimal’ (this is very bad)
– ‘ground-breaking’ (this is very good)
– ‘next generation’ (new)
– ‘top-of-mind’ (I’m the last person to have sold stuff at you),
and
– ‘middleware’ (stuff only one guy understood, but he left in 2008)

Enough…

About the author: Jeremy Cowan has been attending Mobile World Congress
since God was a boy and this was all green fields.

The editor of M2M Now, Jeremy Cowan
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